Book Excerpt Chapter Seven:

Freedom Through Forgiveness

Speaking with Anger vs. Speaking Your Truth

p. 163 - You Have Chosen to Remember: A Journey from Perception to Knowledge, Peace of Mind and Joy by James Blanchard Cisneros.

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There is a difference between speaking with anger and speaking your truth. When you speak with anger, know that the ego-self is speaking. Know that you're reacting to and focusing on an illusion you see as real. When you speak with anger you bring forth, knowingly or not, emotionally repressed feelings from the past. You replace the present with the past and you lose the opportunity to experience what is really going on.

When you speak with anger, you are not really concerned with how those listening to you will feel. All you really care about is that your point of view is heard. When you come from such a place, all you are doing is making the listener defensive. The listener then puts up a wall to defend himself or herself against the perceived attack. As a result, you end up arguing or shouting at a wall with the hopes of being heard. Regardless of how smart or right you believe yourself to be, you will not be heard by a wall. Obviously, a wall is not a good listener, which creates frustration. The frustration leads to confusion, which then ends in regret. This person, knowing that he cannot communicate with you, will move on to someone he believes will listen to what you did to him. This creates more frustration and miscommunication on everyone's part. In short, whenever you speak with anger, regardless of whether or not you believe you have every right to do so - frustration, confusion, separation and regret are your end results.

Before making an effort to speak your truth, you must first understand how the ego has trained you. It has trained you to believe that defense is a proper response to a perceived attack. Thus it has taught you that when people begin to either disagree with you or raise their voices, you are under attack. The ego has taught you that it is right and honorable to defend yourself, and so you do. You put up a wall, defending yourself against the perceived attack of a brother or sister. The ego has reinforced in you that these actions are an attack, yet if you listened to your Godself, it would remind you that these actions are simply calls for help, calls for love. Yes, any and every time that your brother or sister raises his or her voice to you, he or she is really asking to be loved.

When your baby or young child cries, what is he or she asking for? What do you usually offer? What is the result of your behavior toward your child? Do you not offer your child comfort and love? Does your child not respond by becoming calm, feeling comforted, smiling, laughing and continuing his or her play? Can you not see that this result is absolutely possible with all your brothers and sisters if you offer love and comfort instead of confrontation and defense? My friend, this offer of love and comfort is the Godself's answer any time you perceive a brother or sister attacking you, regardless of the manifestation. Thus, if you choose the Godself's way of reacting to a brother or sister's perceived attack, you will create a safe place where two or more individuals with different points of view can come together. In other words, you can come together in a place where people agree to speak and listen with an open mind, as non-judgmentally as possible, so that all points of view can be discussed, heard, understood and respected. In order to create this place, try the following five steps:

1) Be quiet. Understand that the ego-self will try to answer first by attacking and defending. The less insane person in any argument takes control of it by being quiet.

2) Bring your thoughts into your Godself. Understand that your brother or sister is simply asking for love in the best way he or she knows how, in the moment.

3) Send your brother or sister peaceful and loving thoughts. Surround yourself and him or her with light and invite God to enter the situation.

4) Listen non-judgmentally to whatever your brother or sister believes he or she needs to express. Give your brother or sister the time he or she needs.

5) Go to your Godself and ask it how you should deal with the situation, what you should say, and when and how you should say it.

Understand that there are those who are so invested in the ego's thought system that they believe that if you do not get physically upset, shout and argue with them, you do not really care about them or love them. Sit quietly for a moment and understand what this says about those individuals. Imagine how lost and confused they must feel. They equate love with being physically upset, shouting, arguing and regret. But do not judge them, for they simply have bought the ego's fairy tale as true. My friend, only small children believe fairy tales are true. Thus, if you encounter such beings, simply offer them even more comfort and love, and one day they will realize that comfort and love are the only sane responses to comfort and love.
 

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of the great spiritual / self development book You Have Chosen to Remember: A Journey from Perception to Knowledge, Peace of Mind and Joy by James Blanchard Cisneros.