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Invitation: Overcoming Depression

Dear Friends,

This invitation focuses on a question from someone who is dealing with depression (the question and response can be found below this letter). Whenever a question is presented to me, I understand that not only is the individual asking for advice about their dilemma, but also that God is presenting me with an opportunity for learning and growth. The answer that is given is as much a gift, an opportunity for growth for the individual, as it is for me. As I grow because of it, so too do those that I share it with. By you reading this newsletter, you create an opportunity for clarification, growth, understanding and healing to be extended even further.

Depression is a whole body illness that affects people's physical health as well as how they feel, think and behave towards themselves and others. In the United States, approximately 10% of adults and 8% of teens suffer from depression. Approximately 80 - 90% of people with depression, when treated, can significantly improve their lives. But only 2/3 of people with depression seek help for their symptoms.

The most important thing anyone can do for a depressed person is to help him or her get an appropriate diagnosis and treatment. The second most important way to help is to offer emotional support. This support involves understanding, patience, affection and encouragement. It is important that we do not negate feelings expressed, but point out realities and offer hope. Do not ignore remarks about suicide. Always report them to the depressed person's family, primary care physician or therapist.

My friends, we can make a difference in someone’s life. We can help! Through our own education, we can assist those in need, even if those in need end up being us. Educate yourself, and maybe one day you’ll end up being that light at the end of the tunnel that your brother or sister uses to get him or herself out of the darkness that they may find themselves in.

Wishing you Peace, Health, Happiness, Love, Laughter and Light.

Your brother,

James Blanchard Cisneros

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Question and Response about Overcoming Depression


Dear James,

I’m passing through a very difficult time in my life and maybe your experience in coaching may help me. I’m in a moment where nothing is easy. I’m not happy with work and my love life is not going well. After a difficult divorce and other relations that have not worked out, I had thought I had finally found stability. I’m in a relationship of a year and a half, but lately it has not been working and that has me very depressed because it would be yet another failure and also I love him very much. I feel so bad that I have not been to work in two days. The only thing I feel is that I want to leave this place, leave everything and start anew. I’m a U.S. citizen; I was born there, and I want to look at the option of going to live in the U.S. and find work and start from zero. I have a good work resume, but I don’t know if now is the time with the economic crisis if it's easy to find work there. Please, I need your advice to know what to do. Sorry to involve you in something that you have nothing to do with but I feel bad.

Thank you,
Anonymous
(Name withheld by request)


Response from James

What you are feeling is not who you are.  All negative thoughts are foreign to you, they are not part of your true essence. All negative thinking has been learned and is not part of your true self. Negative thinking is simply a very limited foreign belief system that you have allowed to enter your mind, and that is now fogging/lingering over your true self. Through your thoughts, actions and reactions, you are supporting this fog as your truth - yet deep down inside you feel and know it is not your truth, and thus your confusion. You are continually expressing a foreign belief system you deep down inside have no faith or belief in, and thus your frustration and depression.

In truth, who you are is an all loving, all compassionate, happy and loving being. This is the real you. This is the real you that you are now on a journey to remembering, and of putting that memory into practice through your daily interaction with yourself, the planet and all its beings. But to remember who you are, you need to practice who you, in truth, want to become. Thus you must practice loving, compassionate and happy thoughts. Right now you may find this difficult to do – but isn’t what you are doing to yourself, all that negative thinking you are currently overwhelmed by, even more difficult and tiring?

1. It is not your outer world that needs to change, but your inner world. It is not your circumstances, not your boyfriend, nor workplace, nor anything outside of you that is weighing you down. It is your negative thoughts about them that are weighing you down. There is absolutely nothing that is outside of you that can weigh you down. The only thing that can weigh you down is your thoughts and feelings about what is outside of you. And there is a huge difference in that. For the power to change lies within you, not outside of you. It is not the person, place or thing that affects you, it is your thoughts and feelings about the person, place or thing that creates the environment within your mind that you end up focusing on and experiencing.
   
   Depression puts a negative spin on everything you think about. If you are having a problem breaking out of depression type thinking try this: instead of thinking for and reacting by yourself, instead bring God, Jesus, or any self-actualized being you believe in, and first of all before reacting or saying anything, listen to their advice about everything and everyone. Every time you think of someone, understand that right now depression is thinking for you, so instead invite God in and ask yourself: “How would God think about this person?" Instead of trusting your depression about work or anything else, instead stop yourself, bring God in, and ask God how He would think about your work or anything else. Instead of speaking through depression, before saying anything to anyone, stop yourself, invite God in, and ask God: "In this situation, what would you say to this person?" Then say what God would say, answer the person as God would answer him or her.
    

2. Replace your negative thinking with positive thinking. Our greatest critic of our own behavior is usually our self. Stop being so hard on yourself. By bringing God in, you will naturally reduce your self-criticism. When God, wholly loving and compassionate, sees you - He only sees His perfect creation, not what you might think of yourself. When you have loving and compassionate thoughts flowing through you, know that this is your true source flowing through you. Whenever you have negative, judgmental thoughts flowing through you, know that this is your depression speaking, not you, not your true self.
   
   When you experience a negative thought, write it down in your journal. Then when you’re in a good mood, go back to your entry and next to it replace it with a positive thought. For example, if you said something to yourself like: “What a pain, there is no parking near the supermarket. I never get good parking,” next to it write: “Good! Parking away from the supermarket is going to give me a nice chance to walk a little, exercise and lose a little weight.”
    

3. Look to add optimistic people instead of pessimistic people into your life, and try to learn from their example. Notice how the optimists deal with their everyday life, and little by little try to implement their way of thinking into your life. Notice how they remain hopeful during difficult or challenging times, notice how they rebound quicker to frustrations and disappointments, and how they solve problems in positive and creative ways.  For all they have, you too can have, for we all come from the same source and a decision is all that separates us from experiencing peace of mind and joy in our daily experience.   
    

4. Make your workplace your place of worship. In the future, you may very well change jobs. But until that happens, you are where you are, so why not enjoy and make a workshop, an experiment out of it? Use the experience as a way to mature as a spiritual being. Instead of supporting those negative feelings about your job that do nothing but weigh you down, instead of seeing it as a curse, see it as an opportunity for personal growth and make your workplace your place of worship. Instead of judging coworkers, look for ways to praise them, to make them smile, to make their days less heavy and draining. As you do this, these actions, feelings and emotions will be flowing through your body feeding your heart with joy, acceptance and love. Imagine that instead of a whole day of cursing your workplace and the people in it, you blessed and thanked God for having a job, and you helped people smile and feel better about themselves. Imagine after a whole day of this, how would you feel? Do you not see that disliking your job, and disliking and judging your workplace only brings you further down?
   
   Now, I’m in no way saying that if you feel unfulfilled in your job that you should keep doing it. What I am saying is that as long as you’re there, you might as well enjoy it. As long as you’re there, look at it as your own personal workshop where you learn to be a more self loving, compassionate and caring human being. As long as you choose to be there, understand that this is where God is using you to help your brothers and sisters come to a more peaceful and joyful place within their hearts and minds. You may work with 5, 10, 20 or more people, and yet out of 7 billion people that exist on the planet today, this is where God is using you. God has gifted your co-workers to you and He has gifted you to your co-workers.
    

5. Every relationship, no matter its length, is a success. You mentioned that a lot of your relationships have failed. Failure is true in the current thought system that you are supporting, but where has this thought system taken you? How has this thought system made you feel? And why, after all that, are you still supporting this thought system? In this illusionary thought system, that you currently perceive as reality, there are only two possible outcomes to relationships, either you break up and you consider it a failure, or you die while in the relationship – that’s it, your choices in this insane thought system are either you fail or you die! These are its answers for you? Can you not begin to see and feel the insanity of this thought system? After following this thought system for so long, are you still in shock about why you are depressed? For if your only two choices are between failure and death, then obviously depression must result! This insane result sounds sane only to an insane world. So stop! Enough already with supporting this insane thought system!
   
   There is another way of thinking, a way you were born with, a way that lies within your heart and soul, a memory of a place we have left but a place that has never left us. A place where every moment is a gift, where every relationship, regardless of time spent in it is a success, and where every thought is one of compassion and love. This place is our true home. This place is all we are. Through free will, this place is what we are invited to extend into this planet in its greatest hour of need. My friend, I will answer your heart’s true question, and it is this: “Yes, there is another way!” In this way, every single relationship, whether it lasted 60 seconds or 60 years is a success. For we come together to learn from each other, and once that learning is complete, we move on to another part of our journey. In this way, we take the love, compassion, and respect that was experienced in the relationship, we bless and are grateful for our lessons, and with love and appreciation we move on.
    

6. It is okay to get professional help. A good therapist creates a safe environment where you can open up honestly and without reservation. You may want to choose a woman as your therapist, someone a little older than yourself. If she puts you on medication, that is fine, do not be ashamed of that. Understand that medication should be a short term solution and always look to develop a more peaceful place within yourself where you no longer need them. Using professional help does not mean that you’re weak; it simply means that you’re looking for a more productive way of looking at and participating in life. A lot of times depression will try to convince you that you’re not worth the help, but depression is absolutely wrong, you are worth helping. Depression can be treated and you can and will feel better.
    

7. Journal your experience and learn from it. By doing so, you will end up helping a lot of people who will go through what you are going through, and this I can promise you is now part of your mission in life, to help women like you remember their true selves, their happiness and peace of mind. For everything that happens to us is a gift, and it is once you offer your gift to others that you will finally realize this truth. You will realize that only because you went through what you went through, that you can now assist all those in need. And as you participate in this part of your life’s mission, you will encounter and experience gratitude and fulfillment.
    

8. Look for support groups for women that deal with issues of feeling lost and depression. There should be some in your area, if not make that a goal of yours, to work with your therapist to begin one. If your therapist is not interested, find people who are. Being with others who are dealing with what you are dealing with will reduce your sense of isolation. Isolation is one of the tools depression uses to keep you to itself, hidden from your true self. By being with others who understand and are sharing in your process, you will be able to share advice, experiences, and encourage each other.
    

9. Bring God back into your life. Truly, from the bottom of your heart, ask God to connect with you and your desires. God has never left you. You may have been focusing on many other worldly things and thus have forgotten about Him, or put Him way back in the back of your mind, but if there is one promise that I can make it is that God has not left you. God resides within all of us, all the time, and when we again choose to refocus our thoughts and energies on Him, He is right there for us. But you must make that choice, this is free will. You can spend your time as you wish. You can choose to focus your time and energy on worries and depression or on God’s eternal love for you, this is a choice you make in every moment of our day, this is free will.
   
   Whenever possible, spend some quiet time with God. Visualize yourself under a waterfall. Yet instead of water pouring on you, visualize God's white light flowing through you, truly feel God’s love for you, feel His compassion. Ask God to assist you in seeing your situation through His eyes, and allow your hurts and pain to be washed away. Then spend a few more minutes in gratitude, send Him your love, and even though you currently don’t understand why you are going through what you are going through, thank Him and tell Him that you have faith in His plan. Finally, just spend a couple of minutes in silence, in peace, just listening to the silence.
    

10. Your future is the result of what you do now. Practice experiencing a new life - do something small - just start with changing a few moments of your day - whenever a negative thought enters your mind, stop it and instead, with all the heart you can muster, offer gratitude for all that God has given you. It could be your health, your family, your friends, a beautiful day, great weather, whatever - just change your mind about that one moment, and that will give you the power and understanding that you can do this of many, many more moments throughout your day. Little by little, you will start experiencing more positive moments and less negative moments. And little by little, you will then begin to have more positive days than negative days. And it all started with a small decision, to be in the moment, to be grateful instead of being judgmental and fearful. For all our lives are a bunch of moments put together, and when we finally acknowledge that, in the moment, we have the power to put our focus on love or on fear, it is then that we understand that the power to experience our lives the way we want to is ours, and ours alone.
     

11. Running away does not solve the problem. By running away, you are simply carrying the problem with you to another location. The problem is not really a problem but an illusionary thought system that you think is real. You think it is real because you have supported it as an answer for so long, that even though it does not work for you, you still think of it as your answer. So what is truly not working for you is not the location, but the thought system you support within that location. Thus if you ever want to start again or move to the US, that is fine, but do so once you have conquered your depression. For if you don’t, all you will be doing is instead of being depressed in the country you currently live in, you will be depressed in the USA. Thus when and if you leave your country, do so knowing that you left in peace, in peace with all of your family and friends, in peace with your circumstances and yourself. Leave with your head held high and with your spirit shining for all to see.
     

12. Take small, focused steps. To recover from depression you need to move in the direction of recovery. The journey to happiness starts with a step forward in the direction you desire to go. Yes, when you are depressed even the smallest action can seem to be exhausting, so that is the reason that we ask you to take small, focused steps. Then you build from that. For example, take a walk, just 15 minutes outside in the sun provides you with enough vitamin D for the day. And having appropriate levels of vitamin D will assist your energy levels, and this will help you take a few more steps in the right direction. Buy fruits or berries and reward yourself after a good walk. Eliminate all processed sugars from your diet. Other than fruit, eliminate all sugar from your diet. Eat outside, sit on a park bench and people watch, have a coffee with a friend.
     

13. Maintain your close relationships and social activities. You will need support to get you through this. Thus ask your boyfriend, close friends and family members to assist you in this effort. Do not be ashamed of being honest with them. Depression is fed in part by isolation and loneliness. You must stop feeding depression. Starve depression out of your life by forcing yourself to interact with those willing to assist you. Find the willpower to get back to work and find a couple of people at your workplace who you believe are willing to assist. Your loved ones, those who truly love you, are willing to help. Be honest and share with your loved ones what it is you are going through. Ask your loved ones to make an extra effort to stay in touch with you. Yes, again depression will try and make you feel ashamed, guilty or too tired and try to stop you from communicating with your loved ones. It does this because it wants to survive, and it can only survive by isolating you from others and from your true self. When you share any moment where honesty, compassion and love are expressed, this feeds and strengthens you, and weakens depression. It is now time for depression to die, and for you to live.
     

14. Take care of yourself. Make time for things you take joy in doing and experiencing. Remember the days that you were not depressed and the things you liked doing then, the things you took joy in experiencing, then pick them back up. Make a list in your journal of the things you like to do, or used to like to do. Write everything you can remember that you did and experienced that made you happy. Also, include in the list things you haven’t done, but you think you would enjoy doing.  Again small steps, come up with quick things you can do to boost your mood, like calling a friend, spending time in nature, reading a good book, watching a funny show, taking a hot bath, playing with a pet, listening to music, etc., etc. Yes, depression will again try to stop you, but no longer listen to it, for where has listening to its advice taken you? Instead push ahead my friend, push yourself to do these activities, you will feel better once you’re doing them. Your depression may not lift right away, but you will feel more upbeat and energetic because of your courage and effort, and these are all steps in the right direction.
     

15. Do your best to get 7 to 9 hrs of sleep a night. Sleep issues usually accompany depression, it can go from sleeping too much to sleeping too little. Learn about healthy sleeping habits. Try keeping your room uncluttered, clean, simple, and organized. Clean up the clutter, put relaxing music on. Instead of having many thoughts cross your mind as you try to fall asleep, learn about mantras - a simple phrase like "God is love," said over and over and over again can help focus and clear the mind. Just breathe in "God is,” and breath out "love." At first, say it out loud, then let it naturally move to a whisper, and then let it become just a continuous thought in your mind. Whenever other thoughts come in, just release them and come back to your mantra until you fall asleep.
     

16. Learn how to better deal with stress. Stress can prolong or worsen depression. On another sheet of paper in your journal, write down all of your "stress triggers." Identify what stresses you out, and then next to the items on your list write down ways to avoid or lessen their impact on your life. Include negative thinking as a stress trigger. Look into the future and plan ahead, prepare yourself before a stress trigger comes up. For example, if driving to work is a stress trigger for you, plan on buying books on cd to listen to, or try to leave your home earlier so you don’t worry about being late, or include prayer and deep breathing on your way to work. You can visualize a white light surrounding you and breathe deeply in God’s love for you, then visualize a dark light leaving you and breathe out that stress and sadness. Do this 10 times in a row.
     

17. Make exercise a part of your every day experience. Yes, again depression will fight you on this issue, but understand that depression knows what will hurt and weaken it, and thus tries to make you avoid it. Exercise is as effective as antidepressant medication in increasing your energy and decreasing your fatigue. Exercise raises your endorphins, while reducing muscle tension and stress. Shoot for at least 30 minutes of exercise a day, but if 10 minutes at the beginning is all that you can force yourself to do, then do that. Even if those 10 minutes have you walking in the park talking to a friend on your cell phone. But always work to increase the intensity and time spent working out and try to make the exercise as continuous as possible in order to keep your heart rate up.
     

18. Include a healthy eating regiment as part of your daily routine. Increase your intake of fruits and vegetables and reduce your intake of processed foods and sugar. Do your best to eat 5-6 small meals a day, and don’t skip out on breakfast. Try to eat every 3-4 hours, this keeps your sugar levels at a healthy balance, which in turn provides a stable and constant amount of energy throughout your day. Do not eat grains that are white or processed, and if you want to eat bread, eat only the "whole grain" kind.
    
    Get blood tests done to see if you are deficient in any vitamins or minerals. Low vitamin B-12 or D can trigger depression.  Include 1000 mg of Omega-3 fatty acids in your diet. Omega-3 along with its heart benefits has also been shown to positively boost moods. Many fish provide a good source of Omega-3. Some of my favorites are salmon, sockeye, and albacore tuna. Always ask if the fish, especially salmon, is farm raised or wild, and choose the wild version. Try to eat 2-3 servings a week. Other good sources of Omega-3 are walnuts, flax seeds and tofu.
     

19. Educate yourself- Read books on depression and how to combat it, how to become the person you choose to be. Also try to read books on the power of the mind and how what you experience inside of you is what you end up experiencing in your physical environment. A good book on retraining the mind from a thought system based on fear to a thought system based on love is "A Course in Miracles." I have studied this book on and off for 20 years. The book is also available in Spanish. An easier book to get through before reading "A Course in Miracles" is "A Return to Love" by Marianne Williamson, also available in Spanish.

Conclusion: My friend, there is nothing that happens to us that is not a gift. You are going through this period in your life, because there is something here for you to learn and teach others. This will become part of the reason you came to this planet. And your victory over your depression will lift many souls that, in the future, will fight this same battle. It will not be an easy battle, for no true battle is ever easy. But it will also not be harder than what you are doing to yourself now. During the battle, as you share your experience, you will learn many lessons that will be useful to yourself and others. You will grow greatly because of this experience, and you will discover and experience more courage within yourself than you ever thought you had. And one day, after having helped those in pain, you will look back at what you went through and you will be grateful for it. For it is only because of what you went through that you will be able to truly understand and assist the lost souls that will be dealing with this battle. And the same exact thing you once cried over, you will now experience gratitude for, and you will fall to your knees in appreciation for the way God has chosen to use you, and for the faith God has shown in you. And you will thank Him, not just for how you feel, but for what you went through even during your darkest and loneliest  nights.

Courage my dear friend, courage!

In service,

James Blanchard Cisneros

 

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