Topic:   Trying to live in the present moment, but having a hard time.

Ask the Author: Question and Response

	See Inspiring Video: The Present Moment

I have been trying to live in the present, but my thoughts wander either to the past and past hurts or to the future where a multitude of “what ifs” stand before me. I want to embrace the joy of the day, to see good things in what I am doing - now. How do I keep myself grounded in the moment? I am missing many moments thinking about the future or past. I have been through a mentally abusive marriage and made it. I have lost loved ones and loved pets. I have lost security of my home and money. I know that these lessons have made me stronger, but some days I don't feel strong. Some days I feel sad and defeated. How do I move on to embrace life again?

- Shelley, Ontario, Canada

1 – It is always ok to feel what you are feeling. The ego would have you judge yourself any time you’re feeling sad or defeated. When you play the ego’s game, you end up feeling bad for feeling bad. It is obvious that this game gets you nowhere you truly desire, but this is the ego’s advice. Yet, do not judge yourself for listening to the ego and falling back into the same old reactions, for this is how most of us have been trained to look and react to life – to judge life instead of offering gratitude for it.

2 - Practice what you desire to experience. If you truly desire “to embrace the joy of the day, to see good things in what I’m doing,” then be on a conscious journey to bring these thoughts and feeling into the present moment. Consciously practice bringing them into your daily experience until they become second nature. Do you not see that when you are feeling “sad or defeated” that you are practicing being in this vibrational state, in these moods? You are actually unconsciously reinforcing these behaviors as natural and logical responses to the external stimuli. You are unconsciously creating electrical synaptic pathways in your brain that will make it easier and “more comfortable” for you to react this same way to external stimuli - with sad and defeated feelings. You are, in an unconscious manner, responsible for your reactions to these external stimuli. You are paving your own road!

Do not judge yourself for feeling what you are feeling, but do know that you have a lot more responsibility for your thoughts and reactions than you are currently being told. So practice my dear friend, practice. Practice experiencing peace of mind and joy. Practice embracing the joy of the day and seeing the good in all things – for the more you do so, the smoother your journey will be.

3 – Feel what you are feeling, but also analyze why you are choosing to focus on this, rather than what you truly desire. When there are more than a few days that you feel lost and defeated, and you do not truly question why, you repeat this reactionary pattern to your environment until it becomes second nature. But in truth, it is not your natural self reacting. You are simply reacting as you had in the past. This sad and defeated response is a programmed response to your environment. And so you feel yourself having these feelings, you react the same way that you have in the past, and unconsciously strengthen this programming until it just feels like second nature – like your natural response – but it is far from your natural response. And so my good friend, be glad for that! For if you have unconsciously trained yourself – you can then consciously deprogram the thought patterns that you no longer desire to support.

4 – Understand the difference between how it feels to live in the present moment, and how it feels when you are not living in the present moment. When you are participating in the present moment, peace of mind, joy, compassion and unconditional love are your companions. When you are stressed, angry, feeling hurt, experiencing sadness, feeling defeated or regret then understand that you are substituting your unconscious past programming for the true gift of the present moment. Being in the present moment is an expression of your natural state of being. Because it is your natural state of being, then it must be, in its truest sense, an easy act. My friend, being in the present moment is a lot easier than the ego has programmed us to believe. During your day, practice asking yourself: “Am I living in the present moment?” The simple act of bringing this question into your awareness will begin the deprogramming process.

5 – Retrain yourself to be thankful, and offer gratitude for every single moment. When you are participating in the present moment, and you are experiencing peace of mind, joy, compassion and unconditional love, offer gratitude and be thankful - for this is a choice you are making. Be proud of yourself for choosing truth over illusion. When you are experiencing stress, anger, feeling hurt, experiencing sadness, feeling defeated or regret, simply try to catch yourself sooner and sooner, then offer gratitude and be thankful that through your growth and choice, you are spending less and less time in the illusion. Thank your “negative” emotions, for they, in their own self destructive way, are assisting you in spending less time with them, and more time in gratitude and joy. The less time you invest in your “negative” emotions, the less time you will experience them throughout your day - and in simple mathematical terms, the more time you will spend in the present moment throughout your day.

Whenever you offer gratitude for your day, you are lifting your vibrational state and aligning yourself with your true self. Remember, that all things which you now see happening are simply the physical reflections of your thinking, showing you the meaning you have attached to them. Thus, offer gratitude that the outside world is showing you your internal thoughts, feelings and emotions that you are accepting as real. For this allows you to correct and deprogram those areas in your life that are “causing” you to feel hurt, sad and defeated. Bringing these thoughts to the surface allows light to shine on them, and lets you see what you are focusing on, supporting and manifesting in your life.

6 - Take examples of what you’re going through, understand and digest them. For example, if you feel yourself holding resentment, don’t just allow it to continue as you have done in the past. Instead, catch yourself doing so. Stop yourself, and ask yourself what good are you experiencing by choosing to hold onto and dwell on such an emotion. Like comedian Buddy Hacket once said, "Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guy's out dancing." Instead of succumbing to the ego’s unconscious programming, stand up for yourself and make a choice to let go of the past and come into the present. Offer your past resentment and all concerns over to God, and allow Him to dissolve it in His loving light. Become present, take a deep breath in and then with a deep breath out, release it over to God. Then instead of continuing to use judgment, pray for all those who are involved in the situation, pray for their well being, health and happiness – and as you do so, you will feel the shift – you will start experiencing what it truly feels like to live in the present moment. For as your compassion, strength and kindness flow through you, you will, at the same time, feel God’s gratitude for your growth and development flowing through you. Do you not smile when a toddler takes a step toward you, regardless of how wobbly it might be? Do you not think that God’s feelings for your efforts are any less loving and caring? Thus, instead of burying yourself in resentment, bask in God’s gratitude. This is the simple choice you are asked to make in the moment. The more you look at the examples you’re experiencing, the more you will see how alike they are to one another. Then one day, you will realize that all examples are really just one, with the same simple choice to make - between choosing God’s gratitude or supporting previous delusions.

If you can take the above example and truly understand and try to experience this shift from illusion to truth, you will find that you can do this exact same thing with almost every other example you could think of or bring up. It becomes a simple shift from asking “why” and “why me” to saying “thank you” and allowing what is to be. It is a simple shift from trying to force your plan for your life in the physical plane, to one of truly trusting in God’s plan for you. For knowingly or not, God’s plan for you and your highest will’s plan for you are one and the same. Understand that when you say “Thy will be done,” you are also saying “May my highest will be done.” They are one and the same. When you stop forcing and start flowing, your response will be one of gratitude. And you will experience the moment in everything you do. My dear friend, imagine your “what ifs” being replaced with “thank yous” - how much more peace of mind and joy would you experience in your daily existence? What new kind of example would you become to your fellow brothers and sisters? A simple choice is all that separates you from experiencing this. A simple choice is all that separates you from the person you think you are - to the person you truly want to be and already are. If you could only feel what it is that is being written, tears of appreciation would roll down your cheeks, and you would hear choirs of angels singing Hallelujah in glorious anticipation. This, my friend, is the difference you can make in this world. And all from a simple choice of putting judgment aside, trusting God, being grateful, and allowing what is to be.

7 – Keep your mind open to practicing “random acts of kindness.” Random acts of kindness are a great way to stay in the moment. Congratulate yourself every time you take that one extra step to be kind, loving and supportive during your day. From blessing someone when they sneeze, to waving at a child and making him smile. Just yesterday, I was walking over to the record store, I saw a 3 year old child looking at me coming toward him. Since I was about 5 times his size, he stared at me with a look of concern. Then, as I came close to passing him by, I smiled and waved at him. His feeling and facial expression immediately and completely shifted and he gave me a wave and a big, beautiful smile back. That event took maybe 5 – 10 seconds, but it was a beautiful moment and experience. There are hundreds of opportunities throughout your day to recall and come back into the present moment. From giving a kind complement to a coworker or family member - to making that call you have been putting off. From opening the door for someone - to allowing another car into your lane. Anytime you are offering kindness, anytime you are being compassionate, anytime you are being nonjudgmental - you are participating in the present moment. Practice kindness, and pay attention when you could have been more kind but weren’t, and learn from that, so that next time you can be. Do this practice over and over again, and it will become more natural to you. Until one day, it simply becomes an extension of who you are. Today, I missed saying “God bless you” when a person sneezed, then I caught my miss and promised myself to become more aware of it next time around. It was not so much as preparing for a future event; to me it was more of receiving a better understanding of who I want to be in the present, and how I want to physically manifest that experience to my fellow brothers and sisters. This is a simple exercise you can do throughout your day. And the more you do it, the more present you will feel, and the more your true self will shine through.

8 – Practice letting go of expectations of how you believe things will or should be. When you wake up in the morning, spend 5 minutes in meditation asking to be available in the present moment - then release and let go of all the expectations that you have for your day. Instead of worrying about what something or someone will be like, stop yourself when you are doing so, and remind yourself that whatever happens is going to happen, that God loves and supports you, and that it all takes place for your own growth and development. Be thankful for every moment of your day, for every moment is there to show you where you are within your heart and mind.  

9 – Practice listening. So many times during the day we interrupt each other, unconsciously teaching ourselves that what we have to say is of more importance than what someone else is saying. Do nothing and just listen; truly listen to what someone is saying. This is a great practice in learning how to be more present in the moment. You will get so much more from a conversation if you are truly paying attention to it. Don’t concern yourself with what your response will be, just let whatever flow. Your brother or sister will greatly appreciate your efforts. Also practice listening to God. So many times when we sit, pray or meditate, we ask and ask, but rarely do we end such practices with a few minutes of just listening to God, just feeling His peaceful arms around us. Pray or meditate, be silent and listen, and then offer gratitude for your time together. As any good friend appreciates you listening to him, so too does God.

10 – Make peace of mind and joy your goal for all decisions made today. You will experience what you choose to focus on. If your focus during your day is to be more in the present moment, then try to continuously make peace of mind and joy your goal throughout the day. For example, before you go and meet someone, above all else make peace of mind your end goal for that interaction. Make this interaction a kind of exercise, where you will choose not to judge the person you’re with, where you choose not to criticize yourself or others, where you do your absolute best to keep the conversation on its highest level. If you find your partner being critical of others, do not join in; instead hold your brother or sister in light, say a silent prayer for him or her. If your friend becomes sarcastic or says hurtful things, do not join in, do not feed the negativity. Instead look for ways you may both assist those individuals that are being talked about. Keep reminding yourself throughout the encounter: “Peace of mind and joy are my goals in this situation.” Do this again and again, until it starts becoming second nature.

It is impossible to judge a brother or sister without the past. All judgment, sarcasm and criticism are learned behaviors. They are not part of your true essence. Thus whenever you find yourself dwelling on such thoughts, know that you are not experiencing the present moment. But do not judge yourself or others for doing so, instead catch yourself and be grateful for catching yourself. For the quicker and more frequently you re-learn to do so, the less time you will experience drowning in these emotions. Be grateful that you have caught yourself. Be grateful that you have the wisdom to undo what you have done. Be grateful that you will now be spending more and more time in the place you truly desire to be. Be grateful that the truth has set you free.

Conclusion. I encourage you to continue to make peace of mind and joy your goals for more and more of your daily activities. It will be these small daily victories that will further inspire and reinforce in you that this is what you truly desire. Do not be so hard on yourself, for when you judge yourself, you simply shift the focus from the present moment - to places you have already been but no longer desire to be. And so my friend, remember that whatever you choose to focus on will appear more frequently in your experience. If you focus on judging yourself for being inconsistent, that inconsistency will have a greater focus, and thus will play a larger role in your experience. Simply allow yourself to refocus and realign your thinking to a state of mind that says - I will be peaceful and I will experience harmony. As you release yourself into the safety of this flow, the memory of the state of peace and harmony will embrace and encompass you, and you will recognize it, and experiencing peace and harmony will no longer be difficult or unfamiliar.

View larger images of front & back cover 
of the great spiritual / self development book You Have Chosen to Remember: A Journey from Perception to Knowledge, Peace of Mind and Joy by James Blanchard Cisneros.