Ask the Author: Question and Response
 

I am a 28 year old woman, single and lonely, not because I have no one close in this country, but because I feel so lost from the inside. I am a hard working lady who takes care of her family back home in Zimbabwe and I am working all the time. I have friends but I don’t get time to see them as I work all the time. I hurt the people that love me, and the decisions I make in life about other people end up hurting me a lot. I feel sorry for myself and all I am asking for is to understand myself and maybe stop hurting myself. On the outside, people think I am strong but I know I am not. I have so many responsibilities that I need to keep going. I have a family back home - parents and my daughter who is seven years old. Sometimes I feel tired and want to give up, but how can I because I still need to keep these people going that look up to me? Help.

- Sibongile, England

As much as it is possible to feel alone, it is equally impossible to be alone. For knowingly or not - God is always with you. There is not a place or time where God is not with you. Because of free will, you may choose to focus on loneliness instead of God’s love for you, but understand that is a choice you make; it is the perception of your reality - not your reality. 

When you mention to me that “I feel so lost from the inside” - that statement in and of itself brings a smile to my face because you may not know this but you are much closer to achieving what you desire than you might currently perceive. For loneliness is not the result of a perceived external situation. In truth, loneliness has very little to do with the outside world. You could be in the middle of a New York City street with a thousand other people and feel completely alone. At the same time, you can be sitting alone in prayer and meditation and still feel completely connected to all of humanity.  

So this is where we will begin this journey. We will begin this journey within you. And you might ask me how I may assist in this journey if I am not you, and I would say that there is no difference between me and you, other than the fact that I recognize my unity with our Creator and you are in the process of remembering yours. I specifically use the verb remember, because to remember means that you have known before. There will be something within you that will recognize that what I am saying to you is something you already know. For you and I are one and the same, and what I know of myself I know of you. There is a sameness within all of us - which is God. This sameness exists within me, within you, within all of your brothers and sisters, between your enemies and friends, between those you speak to everyday and those who you will never meet, between those who are in the highest of positions and those who beg on their knees. There is no difference in this sameness within us all. It is this sameness which unites us. It is impossible for us to disconnect from this sameness, but it is possible for us to focus on something else. And this is what you are truly asking for now - to be reminded of your connection to this sameness, to your connection to God within us all. Once you remember this, you will never again feel alone. For feeling alone is nothing more than a misperception, a fairy tale taught over and over to you that you now perceive as real, that you now perceive as your reality.

1. Make your workplace your place of worship. If you “work all the time” find ways to make your workplace sacred to you. Please note that I am not saying to start preaching in these places, or to start talking about God and His love for us to everyone, no. What I am saying is that there are 6 billion people on this planet, and for now God has put you in the presence of the people who are in your workplace. This is His gift to you; these people are His gift to you; and you are God’s gift to them. You have come together to assist each other in remembering your sameness, your unity, and once you do so you will no longer feel alone. You will find yourself by allowing God to flow through you and into them. The more you do this, the more you will feel connected to God and connected to the sameness in them that is in you, and thus the less alone you will feel. Offer God’s love, His kindness, forgiveness, gratitude, gentleness, compassion and mercy to all of your brothers and sisters, and you will feel these energies flowing through you and throughout the day.

2. Align yourself with God. If you feel that “I hurt the people that love me” or that “decisions I make in life about other people end up hurting me a lot” – then allow Him to talk through you, allow Him to make decisions for you. Anytime you are speaking with a brother or sister, first silently invite God in. Invite Him to speak for you. Respond to them in the way you believe God would. When making decisions, again bring God in and ask Him to make the decision for you. Feel within your heart and soul what God’s decision would be if He were in your place – then do that. For His will for you and your highest will for yourself are one. What He wishes for you is what you truly wish for yourself. This connection is what you desire. Allow Him to light the way for you until you can carry the same torch yourself.

3. You are who you think you are. When you mention that you are not strong, understand what you are doing to yourself. There is no greater critic of you on this planet than yourself. Regardless of the fairy tales you might have been taught, there is no judgment in God. Thus when the ego’s fairy tale demands that you judge yourself, or a brother or sister – no longer choose to play that game. For where has that game ever truly gotten you? How you speak to yourself, what you say to yourself during the day is of absolute importance. Believe it or not, there is no one that speaks to you more throughout your day than you do. And if hour after hour, day after day, this voice is a judgmental voice, do you still wonder why it is you feel so alone, tired, drained of energy and wanting to give up? When you find yourself judging yourself, stop. Then pray to God for His assistance in seeing yourself as He sees you. Multiply the love you have for your own child by 700 times and you just might begin to feel, conceptualize and experience the love God has for you! Would you ever call your child “weak”? No, never. And neither would God. Would you ever let your child look in the mirror and call herself weak? No, never. And neither would God. When you are confused or judgmental of yourself, stop, and allow yourself to look at yourself as He would, and to talk to yourself as He would.

4. Offer gratitude and you experience a life full of grace. When you find yourself complaining that you have too much work, stop yourself. Think about how many mothers on this planet are currently on their knees begging for money to feed their children; and thank God that you do have work and that you can feed and assist your parents and child. Then say a silent prayer for those mothers and children in need. When you find yourself complaining that you are too tired, stop yourself, think about the sick in the hospitals that don’t have the energy to get up or even smile when you tell them your best joke. Then thank God that you do have the health and energy to go through a full day. Offer gratitude to God that you and your daughter are healthy and have the energy you both need. And then for half an hour a week go to your local hospital chapel and pray for the sick and those in need. When you find yourself complaining about what others say to you and how others are judging you, stop, and truly look and listen to what you have been saying to yourself. Listen to how destructive you have been toward yourself and others. Feel all those energies of judgment, anger and discontentment that you have been poisoning your own self with, then truly stop, and offer gratitude to God that you’re beginning to understand a kinder way of thinking and being. Thank God that someone who doesn’t even know you, knows that you are a lost part of him begging to return home, begging to return to a state of love and compassion, a state of forgiveness and hope. Thank God that what you learn today, you will have the opportunity to teach your daughter, so that she may look in the mirror and see herself as competent, caring and strong.

5. Put yourself back on your priority list. Being self-loving creates the strongest foundation for you to grow and develop from. Try taking a half hour a day for yourself, to either meditate or pray, or just to breathe or take a quiet bath. Practice your new thought system over and over again until it becomes second nature, and you are once again connected to the sameness in all of us. Practice acts of kindness and forgiveness. Practice being grateful to yourself and others. No longer fear to pat yourself on the back for working hard to assist your family. Thank God anytime you stop yourself from judgment and choose forgiveness. Thank God anytime you stop yourself from thoughts of pain and choose peace. Thank God that you now have the ability to start a whole new life, a whole new way of thinking with every single choice you make. Thank God that every single moment allows you to begin anew.

My dear sister, it is true that you are tired, but what you’re really tired of is the way you have been treating yourself. You’re tired of the thoughts that you have allowed to flow through and pollute your mind. You’re tired of the actions you have taken toward your brothers and sisters. My dear friend, every moment gifts you with the opportunity to begin a brand new life. But you no longer need to travel where you no longer choose to go. You are now beginning to remember that you do indeed have a choice, that with every thought and action you create the life you are experiencing. Yes, it might take a bit of time to turn around this ship, but the turn has started, and as long as you choose to follow your new direction, you will come closer to your true destination. And once docked in this port, you will find a place where self-love has replaced all self-judgment, where forgiveness has replaced all judgment, where peace has replaced all pain, where gratitude has replaced all doubt, and where clarity has now replaced confusion. And it is from this place where you will feed and nourish your daughter, and it is from this place where she will feed and nourish her peers. All this because you once decided that enough was enough, and that there had to be an easier, more loving and productive way of being human.
 

View larger images of front & back cover 
of the great spiritual / self development book You Have Chosen to Remember: A Journey from Perception to Knowledge, Peace of Mind and Joy by James Blanchard Cisneros.