List of Questions

The following is a list of Ask the Author Questions and Responses.

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Complete Questions & Answers


 

How can I forgive someone who said such terrible words to me? See Response

Judy, New York, USA

Almost seven years ago, I made a mistake that has haunted me day in and day out. Each and every day that goes by, I torture myself. I have been presented with a wonderful opportunity to move forward in my career but constantly hold myself back because I am ashamed of my past and can not find it in me to forgive myself. I know I’m a loving person and would have made different choices had I known what I know now. I am always the first to forgive anyone who hurts me, but as far as self-forgiveness it’s been almost impossible. How can I stop punishing myself? Where do I find the strength to hold my head up and stop being ashamed for being human?  See Response

– Heidi, USA

During these seemingly turbulent times, what do you think is the optimal course of action that a person can take? See Response

– Jennifer, Wisconsin, USA

We have a serious rift within our family that we are at a loss to know how to heal. My son and daughter-in-law have totally rebuffed us and it is painful. This is the third time and has gone on the longest (3 years). They have 2 children whom we are never allowed to see or even speak to on the phone. He is in the army and we have found out they now live in Germany. Whenever we send the children money at Christmas and birthdays, the checks are cashed and no letter or phone call of thank you are given.

It appears that our daughter-in-law cannot forgive us for not wanting them to get engaged (they were 15 and 17 years old) at the time, and later were not for them getting married at 17 and 19 years old, because we thought they were too young and he was away for long periods of time in the army. We wanted them to wait a couple of years before doing so. She cannot let those events go and is frankly unsociable with us. Our son tried to keep in contact, but has given up since the children were born.

We would like a relationship with them, but they do not answer our phone calls or letters. They neither send Christmas or birthday cards to any of our family members. He has completely cut himself off from us all.

Should we take the hint and let them go or is there another approach we can adopt?  This is the most painful experience so far in our lives. See Response

– A. and D., England

I have been looking for an answer to this problem and maybe you can help. I am married and have two young children. My wife is the type of person who yells a lot. Raising her voice almost constantly to correct the children.  I have grown to dislike her, mostly from the way she treats the kids. I have learned to let my ego go and care little about how she treats me, but I do care about how her mean, nasty reactions are affecting my kids. Even if divorce was an option for me, it likely wouldn’t keep her from the children.  I have tried many times and many ways to get her to just show the love she has in her, instead. Somehow no matter how positive the results are she diverts back at the first sign of the kids not listening. Is there another way? See Response

– Christopher, New Jersey, USA

When I was 3 my dad died. I am now 16. I don’t remember my dad but growing up I always had my uncle there (my dad’s brother) and he was like a father figure to me. We were so close he meant everything to me. But last year in May, he committed suicide and he never said goodbye to me or even sent me a text. I just want to know why he did this and never said bye to me. It makes me think bad things and I just need to know why he did this and what was he thinking to leave me alone when he knows how much I loved him and how much he meant to me. Please give me some answers. See Response

– Rachel, Birmingham, United Kingdom

“You Have Chosen to Remember” is a very interesting title. Can you explain the meaning behind this powerful statement?  See Response

– Jennifer, Wisconsin, USA

I found “You Have Chosen to Remember” to be truly illuminating on many levels. There is a gentleness and simplicity in the words you use, but the energy behind these ideas is deeply profound. What inspired you to write this book?  See Response

 – Jennifer, Wisconsin, USA

Any workshops or live-in communities where one may go and sincerely focus on becoming our Godself?  See Response

– Mario, Texas, USA

The messages within your book “You Have Chosen to Remember” present brilliantly simple strategies for subtly shifting beyond limited thinking. As someone who has been regularly reading spiritual books for 15 years, I am taken by the way this book provides excellent support for developing a conscious state of awareness. How did you develop the ideas within this book?  See Response

– Jennifer, Wisconsin, USA


Partial Questions & Answers


 

My question is this, if God is so close, why is God so hard to find? See Response

– Bernadette, England

I have read your book “You Have Chosen To Remember” and did find it inspirational. I sometimes return to it when I feel lost. I know what you say is right, but sometimes I wonder if perhaps I am just not doing something right as I used to know that God was listening but recently this feeling has gone. Do you think that God ever turns his back? Do you think that a person can ask too many times for help with the mundane? See Response

– Jo, North Yorkshire, England

Right now, I am unemployed and trying not to get evicted. It seems like the harder I pray, the more doors are closing in my face. I think maybe it is the family drama, and am I holding on to unforgiveness and blocking my blessings. So I decided to text my sister and ask for forgiveness and to tell her I forgive her. I googled forgiveness and found this site. I was blessed by this article and I will send in a donation when I get back on my feet. I have five older sisters and they all need to read this article and the book. I would like your permission to copy this article and share it with them. They are holding onto some grudges much stronger than I am against the sister that started this. Pray for my family – six sisters, two brothers and an 86 year old loving mom with Alzheimer’s who needs her family to be whole not divided. Thank you for your kindness. See Response

– Brenda, Tennessee, USA

I am still bitter and angry over an argument that happened in 2003 between me and my adult nephew who drove me out of his mother’s house. I even cursed him for rendering me homeless and depressed. But with God’s grace, I found a crisis center shelter where I lived for a few months. While I was there, I found a job and eventually made enough money to get a place of my own. In the process, I made many new friends, experienced different things and am more sympathetic to people in need. In a way, being driven out of his house was a blessing. I am a more independent person than before. But how do I get rid of this anger and bitterness that I feel toward my nephew? See Response

– Tina, Singapore

I have been trying to live in the present, but my thoughts wander either to the past and past hurts or to the future where a multitude of “what ifs” stand before me. I want to embrace the joy of the day, to see good things in what I am doing – now. How do I keep myself grounded in the moment? I am missing many moments thinking about the future or past. I have been through a mentally abusive marriage and made it. I have lost loved ones and loved pets. I have lost security of my home and money. I know that these lessons have made me stronger, but some days I don’t feel strong. Some days I feel sad and defeated. How do I move on to embrace life again? See Response

– Shelley, Ontario, Canada

 

I need to forgive my husband for two years of hell and abuse. I am not sure if I can find a way to love him freely. He is an atheist and I think that by going on a spiritual journey together we could find some peace. We have not slept properly without medication for over two years since the birth of my son and I had postnatal depression. The ins and outs of the story are complex and I am not sure how to deal with the hurt, anger and pain. Please help. See Response

– Sara, Bath, England

I have been suffering with debilitating panic attacks for 2 years. Crazy medication and a life running downhill. I am out of work and absolutely desperate for a higher understanding and release from this terrible affliction. In gratitude. See Response

– Juliet, Guildford, England

I’m passing through a very difficult time in my life and maybe your experience in coaching may help me. I’m in a moment where nothing is easy. I’m not happy with work and my love life is not going well. After a difficult divorce and other relations that have not worked out, I had thought I had finally found stability. I’m in a relationship of a year and a half, but lately it has not been working and that has me very depressed because it would be yet another failure and also I love him very much. I feel so bad that I have not been to work in two days. The only thing I feel is that I want to leave this place, leave everything and start anew. I’m a US citizen; I was born there, and I want to look at the option of going to live in the US and find work and start from zero. I have a good work resume, but I don’t know if now is the time with the economic crisis if it’s easy to find work there. Please, I need your advice to know what to do. Sorry to involve you in something that you have nothing to do with but I feel bad. Thank you.  See Response

– Anonymous

I am a 28 year old woman, single and lonely, not because I have no one close in this country, but because I feel so lost from the inside. I am a hard working lady who takes care of her family back home in Zimbabwe and I am working all the time. I have friends but I don’t get time to see them as I work all the time. I hurt the people that love me, and the decisions I make in life about other people end up hurting me a lot. I feel sorry for myself and all I am asking for is to understand myself and maybe stop hurting myself. On the outside, people think I am strong but I know I am not. I have so many responsibilities that I need to keep going. I have a family back home – parents and my daughter who is seven years old. Sometimes I feel tired and want to give up, but how can I because I still need to keep these people going that look up to me? Help.  See Response

– Sibongile, England

I lost my job today. Since I have a family with young children, the uncertainty about the future is unsettling. We are also in debt up to our eyeballs. I take full responsibility for this and I will work hard to make it right. My question is: How can I bring peace of mind to my family? See Response

– Michael, Michigan, USA

Hello, my name is Katherine and I am 14. I very much wonder if there is more to life than what I am seeing lately. I have been thinking differently than usual. I am starting to recognize what life itself is all about, but I am still not entirely sure. I was wondering if you could give me a few tips on how to fulfill it to my full ability. Thanks mate.  See Response

– Katherine, London, England

Hello, In your book “You Have Chosen to Remember,” you write about how this reality we are experiencing is more like a mix between reality and the dream state, than a fully real world. Can you please expound on, and clarify that thought a bit more. I found it interesting. Thank you.  See Response

– Anonymous, USA

I am reading your writings. I am very impressed. I thought I had failed at my 2nd marriage. This is what I have been misperceiving and so I have been mentally beating myself up for no reason. I have felt embarrassed and ashamed in society due to this 2nd divorce and have lost my inner peace. Help me!  See Response

– Name withheld for privacy, USA

I feel jealous and angry with everyone. I feel like a failure in life, although I have an average life. I feel inferior to most people, constantly feel negative and only want to feel confident and at peace with myself.  See Response

  – Lorraine, Ireland 

You refer to assisting lost souls who don’t know that they are dead finding their way. Are there also lost souls here? How, then, if every moment is perfect and meant to be, can this be? I have been struggling for the past 8 months to find God. Some days, I feel hopeless. Is this meant to be or am I an aberration? How do I solve this? I always believed God would contact me on his own or it would happen when I died. I never realized you could have more while alive. With your book, however, I have achieved more peace than I ever believed possible and want to thank you for that. You are definitely followed a calling, dude! How can I follow mine?  See Response

– Sherry, Michigan, USA

In working on releasing judgment, an ongoing process for me at this time, I am currently aware that I tend to be accepting of people as individuals, in general. However, my judgment about systems currently in place is often great. I work as a clinician in a mental health clinic and find individual psychotherapy to be my rewarding purpose. But the obstacles presented by systems which are focused on paperwork details and oriented toward ruling people out rather than helping them makes me frustrated. I find myself complaining, along with my colleagues, in a manner that my wiser self knows is an error. I know that I am just resisting releasing the blockages, but wonder if there is any difference between judgment about systems rather than people? See Response

– Linda, Washington, USA

Have you always been so spiritual or was there one particular moment which  made you more aware of that side?  See Response

– Abigale, New Mexico, USA

Can you meet someone, look into their eyes and feel like soul mates right away? Does it happen once in a lifetime or can it be many times? How many soul mates can we have? See Response

– Dina, New York, USA

What would you say are the key concepts presented in “You Have Chosen to Remember”?  See Response

 – Jennifer, Wisconsin, USA

I am a very confused girl. I am in 8th standard. I have many choices but I don’t know which one to choose. I am good at tennis. I have even been chosen for tournament. But I want to join NCC. All my parents, teachers and friends are confusing me. And this always happens with me. I am not even sure what I will become in the future. Now what should I do? See Response

– Radhika, Chhattisgarh, India

There are many simple, gentle and awakened strategies in “You Have Chosen to Remember” which inspire the reader to live in oneness. Which idea was the most transformative in your life and why? See Response

– Jennifer, Wisconsin, USA

I have a seven year old son with a man who passed away two years ago. While we were together he was extremely abusive, not as much physically as emotionally, and to try to move on – I had to turn myself off inside. I found a lot of things out after he passed away that made me feel angry and hurt. It has been two years and I am having a hard time getting my life back. How do you forgive someone who isn’t there, and how do you get yourself back? Also, thank you for recommending the other books. See Response

– Heidi, Massachusetts, USA


Question Alone (For Readers’ Comments)


 

Sir, I thank you for the book “You Have Chosen To Remember.” I have been really blessed. However, the Bible says that it is appointed unto man to die but once and after that judgment, how then can we reconcile this with your lessons on reincarnation?  See Response

– A., Nigeria 

I am a 48 year old woman, who although is not new to the twelve step recovery program, has found myself remaining “stuck” in a place in my mind that has not allowed me to move forward. I found this site this morning.  By no means do I do believe it to be an accident.  My question is this: What short meditation or phrase might you recommend to say upon awakening each day, in order to retrain the thought process toward a more positive day and fulfilling life, and to stay in the present moment and release the past?  See Response

– Kathy, Louisiana, USA

I am a Christian and I study with a Christian group that says that I am too analytical at times. I sometimes ask questions that bring me closer to understanding God’s word. Is this a bad thing?  See Response

– David, Florida, USA

I’m in a long term relationship and I feel like I messed it up by not treating my boyfriend well. I didn’t treat him badly (abuse him physically or mentally). I was just neglectful because I’m a busy person and didn’t spend much time with him. He told me he is not happy with me because of this (can’t blame him one bit) but he loves me and would like to work on the relationship. I’ve been working on the issues, but I just get the feeling from him that he’s going to be non-compliant and unappreciative of my efforts and things aren’t going to work out. If I had treated him better in the first place, it may not have ended up like this. Now I feel guilty because God gave me the person I have been waiting for all my life and I messed it all up by taking my own path, by tending to my needs instead of the path God made for me to be with him and tending to his needs as well. If we break up, I will have to live with the guilt and feel really bad for a long time and have it haunt me for the rest of my life. How would you interpret my situation and what do you think?  See Response

– Christa, Delaware, USA

I am a student of “A Course In Miracles.” Everything that I have read of your material is similar to this course. Just wondering if you might be a student. If not, what have you been studying? See Response

– Barbara, California, USA

What do you feel was your most transformative life event or experience which boosted your “remembering”? See Response

– Jennifer, Wisconsin, USA

I am currently reading chapter 6 of your book and find myself questioning my desire for new employment. How does one know if seeking new employment is trusting God? Could God be giving one the desire to change jobs? Reading this chapter has me questioning my motives. What advice can you give on this? See Response

– L.C., New York, USA

I am a 48 year old woman. My life is in turmoil, facing a divorce I do not want. Facing regret over many horrible mistakes I made. I am filled with fears and sadness. I feel desperate and do not want to lose my husband. I must face reality and am making a huge effort to place my faith in God and my Christian beliefs. I decided to go on the internet this morning desperately looking for something to help me develop strength and courage. Will your book “You Have Chosen to Remember” help me develop faith in God and calm my fears regardless of my life circumstances? Thank you. See Response

– Roseanne G.

I have had a horrible life since I was born. I think I was born to suffer in every way possible. I think my mom didn’t want us kids. She was never around and rarely did we have a babysitter or food. When we did have babysitters they were ones who were drunks, who molested us and worse. I started taking care of three sisters and one brother by myself at age 7 until the welfare agency took us all away in 1970 when I was ten. I have two sisters and a brother, I have not seen for 35 years now. Somehow I ended back with my mother when I was 13, only to find out that she was pregnant and needed a babysitter again, not because she wanted me. But I still loved her no matter what. But I had to get away from her, so I married an alcoholic husband who beat me for six years. I finally left him because of the three beautiful girls we had. There’s a lot more, but long story short, my two oldest daughters inherited bipolar from their father. My mother was murdered in 1993 by her husband who did not go to jail. My oldest daughter went to prison in 2002 and is still there. My 25 year old daughter was killed by a drunk driver 9-18-03 who never went to jail because he is a cop. God hates me. He really does and I don’t know why. I need help. I’ve had custody of three of my grandbabies since they were born and they’re bipolar. I love them so much. If anything happened to them I would die. Please tell me why God hates me? Thank you. See Response

– Marla B.

Two years ago, my fiancé cheated on me. He told me about it, told me he was sorry and would do whatever it takes to make it right. He has tried, I will give him that. But for some reason, I just won’t let it go. I do not know how. All I have done since that day is put him down and throw every single little thing he has done wrong in his face. I find fault in everything he says and does. I guess in a sense, one could say I am trying to hurt him like he hurt me. I grew up in a Christian family, but I have not always lived that life. I feel as if I am lost and do not know where to go from here. I do not want to lose him, because honestly he is a great person. I know God has a plan for everyone, and everything happens for a reason. How do you forgive someone? How do you just let go of the anger and move on? I need to know and I have prayed and prayed. How do we move on and forget what has been done to us? I know Jesus did, and I wish I was that strong. I told my fiancé that I did forgive him, but I really haven’t. I don’t like lying. I need to forgive him. See Response

– Nikki, Kentucky, USA

My father passed away in May, and I am adrift from my siblings due to family conflict. My father suffered post-op complications and did not want life support.  I told my sister we cannot blame the hospital if no one was with him 4 days prior to his cardiac arrest for his wish not to be on life support.  Consequently, he was on life support 10 days before he passed away. I am having a very hard time with this situation. At this time, suffering with grief and hurt, I feel the need to distance myself from the family, so I can find myself without them controlling me. See Response

– Pamela, Virginia, USA

My partner’s adolescent child has been very disrespectful from the beginning of this relationship. She has done everything to break us up – even to the last event of physically assaulting me. I have forgiven and been very patient up to this point but am struggling to forgive this, as well as the father who does not take charge of the situation. Just when I think that I have forgiven and let it go, my anger surfaces to my partner and then I know I still have not forgiven. See Response

– Dawn D.

I have read parts of your website with great interest and completely agree that the need for your mind to take control of itself and not be ruled by learned and negative behaviors is the way forward.  What I would like to find out is that although we need to live in the now, in business and work we need to plan things out in our minds and use past experiences to shape our future dealings, and I think this is also necessary to some extent on a personal level or we never learn anything.  How can you suggest that we do this with positivity and not around our negative ego-based mindset? Many thanks. See Response

– John, United Kingdom

I was moved when reading some of your work. I have a belief that everyone has the capacity to love themselves and others, and I am always overwhelmed with emotion when individuals express this. But at the same time it hurts when people don’t – through criticism, hate and malice. How can I change my reaction so that I am not so fearful of other’s negativity, as this has paralyzed me in the past and paralyzes me in the present? See Response

– Jacqueline, Bolton, England

I am a professional young female with many things going for me. Yet many times, in my interactions with others, somehow it feels empty when you suspect that people don’t care to see what’s beyond the surface. How can I find fulfillment and peace in these interactions?  See Response

– Mecky, Florida, USA

I have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). There is evidence this is caused by a biochemical imbalance in the orbital frontal cortex and caudate and putamen sections of the brain. I lack peace of mind due to repetitive and intrusive thoughts caused by this problem in my brain. I lack the peace and confidence I know are within me because of it. I am wondering how someone like you would suggest feeling joyful, happy and at peace when a problem like this blocks that. Or even if someone suffers from another physical ailment? Thanks. See Response

– Anonymous 

I’m just finishing “You Have Chosen to Remember.” It is a great read – very simple to understand, lots of great tips. I’ve been reading “A Course in Miracles” for about 2 years. I’m getting there with it. I have a question about choosing our parents before we are born. Mine were a bit abusive. Was I supposed to learn how to forgive and that is why I chose them? I also married twice and both wives were abusive. I have completely forgiven all with no reservations, but this lesson stuff is a new thought process for me – but I find it very interesting. Can you recommend any other books on the lesson stuff that goes into more details? I have read “The Disappearance of the Universe,” a lot of Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, etc. I’m trying to move away from my ego-self but on a more continuous level. Right now, I’m up and down with this stuff. I’m purchasing a few more copies of your book for friends. I’ve started a few friends on a new journey with this stuff with really positive results. I was living in Florida for many years, had a couple of strokes at age 45, and I’m back in Jersey. But because of it all, I found out about forgiveness quicker than I probably would have, if at all. So your book was greatly enjoyed and is now home in my collection. I wish you great success and peace in all you do. Thank you. See Response

– Dan, New Jersey, USA

I have wanted a divorce for many years. I filed last year and my wife said she didn’t want to, she wanted me, and me only. I did not go through with it. I resolved to make a decision by January. However, as I read your book and started to think of love and forgiveness, I was torn on whether to leave or not. My wife’s sister married in December, and it seemed to renew my wife’s effort to treat me with respect. At the same time, I met a woman who has captivated me… I thought I didn’t want any complications. Is staying and trying again for the highest good? See Response

– Anonymous, Oklahoma, USA

I committed adultery two years ago and now my husband is doing it with a married lady. He blames me. He said if I had never done it, this wouldn’t be happening. He says that he and the lady are going to get married when he divorces me and she divorces her husband. It’s been one year and two months. What can I do? I’m trying to wait on the Lord. My husband doesn’t care if the kids and I end up on the street. He spends all his money on her. See Response

– Y. V., Pennsylvania, USA

For 20 years I have been attempting to change my horrendous outlook, and subsequent judgment of everything. I blamed religion in my childhood, as the cause of my anger and pain. I could not hear the words God or Jesus without triggering negativity. You speak of my Godself. I have been trying to meditate to connect with the Life-Force, the Creator. I can still only use tapes and CDs for that purpose. I want to get silent, go into the stillness, experience the peace I crave, but my mind, due to the controlling ego, makes it very difficult. What would you suggest besides perseverance? Is there another form of prayer that is not simply asking for greater consideration? I do not know how else to put this but I am frustrated and need help not to give up. Worthiness plays a big role. I thank you for your book… See Response

– Stephen, Oregon, USA

What does it mean when you dream about rain all the time? See Response

– Brittney M., USA

Can you tell me what it is when you are in bed and feel as though you are awake but something is holding the covers down so that you cannot get up and when you try to scream it as though you are paralyzed. See Response

– Brenda, Glasgow, Scotland, UK

In your opinion, is a show of inflated ego actually a way to cover an inferiority complex?  See Response

– Bashir, London, England

I am constantly giving to people who are lonely, afraid, mean, worse off financially and need help. But for years, I have experienced the ones I give money to break in and steal more; and the one’s I help with loneliness (bring them to events, introduce them to others) then take advantage and wear me out. You wrote when “you experience loneliness, give to someone lonely. Give love when you are not experiencing it.” If I am truly giving and giving, isn’t there something that I am doing wrong for this to be happening so often?

When you are kind to someone who is mean and then they become violent and then they harass and stalk you and you give more kindness and they become dangerous (think Amber Frey and Scott Peterson), how can I keep helping these souls that cry and need love so much without physically getting hurt? Turning away and ignoring their calls, even as I pray for them, seems so cruel to ignore. Constantly, I pray and thank God for the gift that He has sent. I acknowledge that there is a lesson. I know God does not tell us to unlock our doors and let others in to harm us. But when they are so desperately needing help and they keep calling and calling, begging for a friendship, then as soon as you try again, it becomes physically dangerous. It does seem that I must be dong something wrong.   See Response

– Sara, Florida, USA

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