Chapter 3: The Godself
You Have Chosen to Remember: A Journey of Self-Awareness, Peace of Mind and Joy by James Blanchard Cisneros.
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In college, I remember asking myself, “What is truth? Why are we here? What’s the whole point of life?” When I received no satisfactory answers, I decided that the only people who had answers to these questions, who understood what truth was, probably lived somewhere in caves in the Himalayan Mountains. Consequently, I chose to put those questions aside, and picked up the nice, cold beer in front of me. Then one day, those belief systems were erased, and the sage in the cave theory was replaced.
The dream that follows was brought about by a sincere, direct, heart-centered prayer over an incident that caused me great distress. This was the first dream that taught me that guidance is available to all of us if we truly desire it.
I was in my second year at Boston University, and I was dating a girl named Susan, whom I truly loved, or at least I thought I did. She caught me with another girl and broke up with me, rightfully so, I might add. This hurt me tremendously and I had a very rough night. I prayed that she would forgive me and asked God whether I would ever fall in love again. I finally fell asleep. Before I woke up, I had a dream that I was sitting at what seemed to be a party. In the dream, I was eating and drinking, with food in one hand, and a drink in the other. I looked around at the people at the party and decided to take a seat and finish my food. There were no chairs available, so I sat on the floor against a wall and began to observe the people at the party. They seemed to be having a good time, eating and drinking; some were standing, others sitting. I looked to the right of the room, then to the center, then turned my head to the left of the room. To my surprise, there was a girl from school whom I admired, and had always wanted to meet, sitting next to me on my left. As I saw her face, I became surprised and woke up. When I woke up, it seemed like a silly dream to remember. I was upset because I could not understand why I couldn’t remember a cool dream when I wanted to. And now I could not get this silly dream out of my mind. Soon, I would learn that this dream was not as silly as I first thought.
Later that day, I went to the center of Boston to the public library to do research with a friend. After completing the work, we began walking to the T (the subway system in Boston). I noticed there was a movie playing that I had wanted to see, so I invited my friend to come along. He said he had to get back to campus, so I debated with myself about whether I should go back to school or to the movie. Finally, I decided to see the movie by myself and waved my friend goodbye. In the lobby of the movie theater, I bought a small bag of popcorn and a soda. As I started to walk into the theater, I was stopped and told that they hadn’t finished cleaning the theater, and was asked to wait in the lobby. I stood waiting for a little while before deciding to sit down. Since the lobby seats were all taken, I sat on the floor. As I ate my popcorn and drank my soda, I looked around the room. The lobby was becoming full with people eating and drinking as they waited for the theater to be cleaned. I looked to the right of the room, then to the center, then turned my head to the left of the room. To my great surprise, there was the girl from school whom I had admired and had always wanted to meet, sitting next to me on my left. This was the same girl from the dream earlier that morning. I was shocked, to say the least. The expression on my face must have shocked her as well. I was in such shock that I got up and left the movie theater. She must have thought that either I had gone nuts or that she was having a really bad hair day!
I saw that girl around campus a few more times, but I never mustered enough courage to introduce myself. At first I thought, “What a tremendous loss of opportunity. I really blew it this time.” But then, after a few months of thinking about it, I thought that maybe there was a greater lesson here. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to have talked to her and maybe the lesson was that there was something more happening than I could see. Maybe I didn’t have to be a sage living in a cave in the Himalayas to get some understanding of what truth is. I mean, who was I to be told the future, to know the future? Why would God, if it was God, answer me with regard to ever finding another girl again? Who was I to be answered in such a quick and precise manner? I mean – God has got to have more important things to do than worry about my love life! Who am I to see what I saw, to have such an experience, such a gift?
This dream taught me that I did not have to be a guru in the Himalayan Mountains to get answers about my life and life in general. I understood that this experience was not something I needed to earn. God’s knowledge of my behavior toward my girlfriend prior to the dream did not “earn” me the experience. I understood that I received the experience and guidance simply because I asked for it. I asked for assistance with an open and honest heart and received it. I realized that all answers were available to anyone who truly desired to ask the questions.
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