Ask the Author: Question & Response
I committed adultery two years ago and now my husband is doing it with a married lady. He blames me. He said if I had never done it, this wouldn’t be happening. He says that he and the lady are going to get married when he divorces me and she divorces her husband. It’s been one year and two months. What can I do? I’m trying to wait on the Lord. My husband doesn’t care if the kids and I end up on the street. He spends all his money on her.
– Y. V., Pennsylvania, USA
God’s love and trust in you is eternal and unblemished by any errors in judgment you perceive that you’ve “committed.” As much as you love and trust God, He loves and trusts you a thousand times more. My friend, if your children commit an error in judgment, do you love them any less? Don’t you love your children regardless of how mischievous they get? Don’t their hugs immediately melt your heart? My dear friend, multiply these feelings a thousand times and you may just begin to realize God’s love and trust in you.
I imagine when you use the phrase: “I’m trying to wait on the Lord,” you are saying that you are trying to trust God. That is fine. But understand, you are not just a pedestrian at a bus stop waiting for the God bus to arrive and take you where you wish to go. Even when the bus arrives and you get on, it does not take you exactly where you need to go. It takes you to a general area where you decide to get off. Then you walk to your final destination. My friend, take responsibility for your children’s destiny and yours.
When I was two and my brother was only six months old, my parents divorced. My father had come back from Vietnam with post-traumatic stress disorder. My mother would find him in the middle of the night with a knife in his mouth, crawling around the living room. He started drinking heavily and doing drugs. My mother did not believe this was a safe environment for her children. She divorced him and we moved to Puerto Rico to live with my grandmother. We did not see our father for the next 30 years. Five years ago, my brother and I re-met our father, and we have since developed a good relationship with him. He has mentioned to us that it was best that we grew up without him, because for 20 years after the divorce, he was a very heavy drinker and drug user. It would have been an awful situation to have grown up with. For my mother’s strength, I thank and bless her every day and night.
My sister, there is not one relationship you have ever had, be it for 50 seconds or 50 years, that has been a failure. What the ego-self calls failure and pain in a past relationship, the Godself would define as awareness, love and forgiveness. In the end, what you decide to take from a past relationship is a decision you choose to make, using your free will.
Ultimately, what you physically decide to do is a decision you must make. Work on becoming as financially independent as possible. If there is any level of trust left in your marriage, then try marriage counseling. If your husband won’t go for you, maybe he will go for your children. Regardless of what he chooses to do, every day work on becoming a stronger person – mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. For the stronger you become, the stronger the foundation you provide for your children.
If the relationship ends, know that you will not be the first or last mother who has had to raise her children by herself. I understand the fear that you may be experiencing at the thought of raising your children by yourself. But know that there are an enormous number of successful single mothers on this planet. And there are an enormous number of children of single parents who are doing quite well, thank you. Help alleviate your fears by learning how single parents cope, move ahead and succeed. Research what government assistance and religious and private groups are in your town that assist single mothers. Look for single mother support groups. It is extremely helpful to see and get to know women who have been through what you might go through.
My dear friend, with faith and trust in yourself and God, there is nothing that you can not do. There are many souls out there ready to support the growth and development of you and your children. You are not alone. Continue to work on yourself and pray for people who can assist you to come forward, and they will. My friend, I know first hand that there is nothing that a single mother can not accomplish. I know first hand that there is nothing that the love of a single mother can not realize, achieve or attain for her children. You do not yet comprehend the strength, determination and power within you. God has placed His children in your arms to hold, comfort, protect and love. Do you not suppose He knows what He is doing?
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This question is answered in the book - There is Another Way: Overcoming Real World Challenges. The book is filled with inspiration and effective strategies for overcoming life's challenges. The book is due to come out in 2020. Click here to sign up for our newsletter so that you can be notified when it is ready. Thanks.