Ask the Author: Question & Response
I am a 28 year old woman, single and lonely, not because I have no one close in this country, but because I feel so lost from the inside. I am a hard working lady who takes care of her family back home in Zimbabwe and I am working all the time. I have friends but I don’t get time to see them as I work all the time. I hurt the people that love me, and the decisions I make in life about other people end up hurting me a lot. I feel sorry for myself and all I am asking for is to understand myself and maybe stop hurting myself. On the outside, people think I am strong but I know I am not. I have so many responsibilities that I need to keep going. I have a family back home – parents and my daughter who is seven years old. Sometimes I feel tired and want to give up, but how can I because I still need to keep these people going that look up to me? Help.
– Sibongile, England
As much as it is possible to feel alone, it is equally impossible to be alone. For knowingly or not, God is always with you. There is not a place or time where God is not with you. Because of free will, you may choose to focus on loneliness instead of God’s love for you, but understand that is a choice you make. It is your perception of your reality – not your true reality.
When you mention, “I feel so lost from the inside,” that statement brings a smile to my face because you may not know this, but you are much closer to achieving what you desire than you currently perceive. Loneliness is not the result of an external situation. In truth, loneliness has very little to do with the outside world. You could be in the middle of a New York City street with a thousand other people, yet feel completely alone. At the same time, you can sit alone in prayer and meditation and still feel completely connected to all of humanity.
So we will begin this journey within you. You might ask me how I may assist in this journey if I am not you, and I would say that there is no difference between you and me, other than the fact that I recognize my unity with our Creator, and you are in the process of remembering yours. I specifically use the verb remember, because to remember means that you have known before. There is something within you that will recognize what I am saying to you is something you already know. For you and I are one and the same, and what I know about myself, I also know of you. There is a sameness within all of us – which is God. This sameness exists within me, you and all our brothers and sisters – including your enemies and friends, those you speak to everyday and those whom you will never meet, those who are in the highest of positions and those who beg on their knees. There is no difference in the sameness that is within us all. It is this sameness which unites us. It is impossible for us to disconnect from this sameness, but it is possible for us to focus on something else. This is what you are truly asking for now – to be reminded of your connection to this sameness, to your connection to God within us all. Once you remember this, you will never again feel alone. For feeling alone is nothing more than a misperception, a fairy tale repeated over and over to you that you now perceive as real.
1. Make your workplace your place of worship. If you “work all the time,” find ways to make your workplace sacred to you. Please note that I am not suggesting that you start preaching in your workplace, or start talking about God and His love for us to everyone. No. What I am saying is that out of 7 billion people on this planet, for now, God has placed you in the presence of the people in your workplace. This is God’s gift to you; these people are His gift to you, and you are God’s gift to them. You have come together to assist each other in remembering your sameness, your unity, and once you do so, you will no longer feel alone. You will find your true self by allowing God to flow through you and into them. The more you do this, the more connected you will feel to God and to the sameness in them that is in you; and thus, the less alone you will feel. Offer God’s love, kindness, forgiveness, gratitude, gentleness, compassion and mercy to all of your brothers and sisters, and you will feel these energies flowing through you and energizing you throughout the day.
2. Align yourself with God. If you believe that “I hurt the people that love me” and “decisions I make in life about other people end up hurting me a lot,” then allow God to talk through you. Allow Him to make decisions for you. Anytime you are speaking with a brother or sister, first silently invite God in. Invite Him to speak for you. Respond to the person the way you believe God would. When making decisions, again, bring God in and ask Him to make the decision for you. Feel within your heart and soul what God’s decision would be if He were in your place, then do that. For God’s will for you and your highest will for yourself are one. What God wishes for you is what you truly wish for yourself. This connection is what you desire. Allow God to light the way for you until you can carry the torch by yourself.
3. You are who you think you are. When you mention that you are not strong, understand what you are doing to yourself. There is probably no greater critic of you on this planet than yourself. Regardless of the fairy tales you might have been taught, there is no judgment in God. Thus when the ego’s fairy tale demands that you judge yourself, or a brother or sister, choose to stop playing that game. For where has that game ever truly gotten you? How you speak to yourself, what you say to yourself during the day, is of absolute importance! Believe it or not, there is no one who speaks to you more throughout your day than you. If hour after hour, day after day, this voice is a judgmental voice, do you still wonder why you feel so alone, tired, drained of energy and want to give up? When you realize you’re judging yourself, stop. Then pray to God for His assistance in seeing yourself as He sees you. Multiply the love you feel for your own child by 700 times and you just might begin to feel, conceptualize and experience the love God has for you! Would you ever tell your child she is weak? No, and neither would God. Would you ever want your child to look in the mirror and call herself weak? No, and neither would God. When you are confused or critical of yourself, stop and see yourself as God would, then talk to yourself as He would.
4. When you offer gratitude, you experience a life full of grace. If you find yourself complaining that you have too much work, stop yourself. Think about how many parents on this planet are begging for money to feed their children; and thank God that you do have work and can support your family. Then say a silent prayer for those parents and children in need. When you find yourself complaining that you are too tired, stop and think about the sick people in hospitals who do not have the energy to get up or even smile. Then thank God that you do have the health and energy to manage a full day. Offer gratitude to God that you and your daughter are healthy and have the energy you both need. Then, for half an hour a week, pray for the sick and those in need. When you find yourself complaining about what others say to you and how others judge you, stop and truly listen to what you have been saying to yourself. Listen to how destructive you have been toward yourself and others. Reflect on all the energies of judgment, anger and discontentment that you were poisoning yourself with. Then truly stop, and offer gratitude to God that you’re beginning to understand a kinder way of thinking and being. Thank God that someone who has never met you knows that you are yearning to return home to a state of love, compassion, forgiveness and hope. Thank God that you will have the opportunity to teach your daughter what you learn today, so that she may look in the mirror and see herself as competent, caring and strong.
5. Put yourself back on your priority list. Being self-loving creates the strongest foundation for you to grow and develop from. Try taking a half hour a day for yourself to either meditate or pray, or just to breathe or take a quiet bath. Practice your new thought system over and over again until it becomes second nature, and you are once again connected to the sameness within us all. Practice acts of kindness and forgiveness. Practice being grateful to yourself and others. Pat yourself on the back for working hard to assist your family. Thank God anytime you stop yourself from judgment and choose forgiveness. Thank God anytime you stop yourself from thoughts of pain and choose peace. Thank God that you now have the ability to start a whole new life, a whole new way of thinking with every single choice you make. Thank God that every single moment allows you to begin anew.
My dear sister, it is true that you are tired, but what you’re really tired of is the way you have been treating yourself. You’re tired of the thoughts you have allowed to flow through and pollute your mind. You’re tired of the actions you have taken toward your brothers and sisters. My dear friend, every moment gifts you with the opportunity to begin a brand new life. But you no longer need to travel where you no longer choose to go. You are now beginning to remember that you do indeed have a choice, that with every thought and action you create the life you are experiencing. Yes, it might take a bit of time to turn around your ship, but the turn has already started, and as long as you choose to follow your new direction, you will continue to get closer to your true destination. Once docked in this port, you will find a place where self-love has replaced all self-judgment, where forgiveness has replaced all anger, where peace has replaced all emotional and mental pain, where gratitude has replaced all doubt, and where clarity has now replaced confusion. From this place, you will feed and nourish your daughter, and she will feed and nourish her peers. All this is yours because you decided that enough was enough, and there had to be an easier, more loving and productive way of being human.
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